As I sit at my desk, writing my feelings away, it’s clear my dreamer self is getting the best of me again – but this time in a pretty amazing way. I have some big decisions to make and only a certain amount of time to make them in.

They say timing is everything and I’m struggling to figure out just what this means for me. Is the time now? Is the time later? Is the time actually not a time at all – because I’m simply not the person for the job?

Let me fill you in on the missing blanks.

I’m considering the pursuit of a Master’s Degree in Strategic Ministry.

-I know, right? I get excited just saying it out loud!

When I told some of my close friends and family, their first question was always, “Why?” And though it’s a logical question, it’s not the only reason they’re asking it. You see, I’m a bit of a dreamer. I have dozens of ideas floating in and out of my brain – and those are just the ones I’ve thought of in the past couple hours. So those who know me well are used to me excitedly running up to them with bright eyes, signaling the sudden “on” switch that initiates a blinding light bulb to hover over my head.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a dreamer. And to my fellow dreamers out there, I feel your pain when your compassion for the broken world around us starts to send your beautiful mind into overdrive thinking of ways to fix it – and how some of your closest friends may perceive it when it flows from your thoughts out of your mouth. Hey, I’ve been there. Maybe there’s a lack of belief that you’ll follow through. Maybe they give a resigned sigh. They might give a tight smile and nod. And sometimes that response (or lack thereof) is enough to deflate your confidence in the idea you thought could really help someone out there.

Trust me, I’ve been there. And I’m feeling the struggle as my past dreams rise up, demanding to be acknowledged.

Did you ever want to be a wildlife biologist? I know I did.

Did you ever think you’d find your big break singing in front of small crowds at a town fair during the karaoke competition? Yeah, so did I.

Did you ever think you’d become a writer, journalist, or novelist to share this crazy imagination you have with the world? Ditto.

Did you ever dream of starting your own business…1, 2, or 12 times – and with a different idea for a business model each time? Same.

See here’s the thing with all the ideas I mentioned above. While there was underlying good in all of those options, none of them were to share God’s glory. I was thinking about me. I mean, how cool would it be to help save animals and study them? How neat would it be to tour the world singing your own music? Wouldn’t it be something to see your own book fly off the shelves of bookstores everywhere? And how proud would my parents be if I got a small starter company off the ground and made it a huge success?

Don’t get me wrong, none of these are inherently wrong on their own; some are driven by these passions and do God’s work through one of these careers. Maybe they become Worship Leaders, write a Christian novel, start a business that helps third-world countries or save animals with the calling that God has given them – not just because of how it might make them look to other people. These people know their identity in Christ; they have found their “why”.

So back to the question everyone seems to be asking me, “Why do you want to pursue this Ministry degree?”

Well, because this time, I feel like it’s my “why”. For the first time in awhile, I’m not trying to pursue a career that leads to an impressed reaction from my friends when they ask what I’ve been up to. For the first time in awhile, I’m not trying to do something that looks and sounds good to everyone else. For the first time in awhile, I’m not taking the easiest path offered to me. Trust me, it was not in my plan to spend more money on school or to up and leave the beginnings of my life here in Indiana.

For me, this is my chance to discover my true calling that God has been growing in my heart for the past couple of months now. (I’ll write more about this part later in another post.)

It’s like, a huge feeling that just keeps saying, “If you’ve only got one lifetime on this Earth, and one Savior who gave it to you, why wouldn’t you want to do something to directly further His Kingdom?”

This program is the perfect way to dive in.

Let me explain. This program is a 9 month residency program that places you in 1 of 3 locations (churches) once you’ve been accepted. There’s no physical presence at the University. You’re just accepted and you go. From what I understand, you take online classes and meet Mondays for your actual class time. The rest of the time, Tuesday though Sunday, you’re at the church working. You’re getting involved in every aspect of ministry out there, even if it’s just a small taste of it.

You spend time with mentors who encourage you to grow and sometimes tell you hard truths about what they see in you that still needs work. But they do so out of love. You’re given the opportunity to figure out which area of ministry you’re called to, while being surrounded with others who love Jesus as much as you do. What an amazing culture to be a part of!

Once your 9 months is completed, (and it will be a test of your spiritual strength from what I understand) you finish it off with a trip to Israel – ISRAEL! – and graduate afterwards.

So while I’ve made the decision that this something I really want to do, I haven’t decided on the when. I’ve been seeking counsel from select friends, family and leaders in the church; it’s a mixed variety of advice with great factors to consider. And the truth is, I still don’t have a concrete answer – even after all these amazingly helpful conversations.

But I’ve discovered that it’s completely okay. God knows what is on my heart and I’m leaving it in his control, seeking His will and doing things His way. And even though I still stumble upon one or two of those who may come across as discouraging because of my dreamer-like qualities, I know that ultimately it’s in God’s hands.

So, another question to all my dreamers out there listening: Do you ever get the feeling that even though some people may be discouraging towards your dreams (excluding the times where it’s out of love and needs to be said), you just know that God’s got control of the reigns on this one – and that He won’t let you down?

Yeah, me too. ❤