When struggling with a particular area of your life, usually dealing with discontent, I’m sure someone has said one of the following:

“It’s just a season.”

“It’s all in God’s time.”

“You’re still so young. Don’t worry about that yet!”

“All things are made beautiful in God’s time.”

“Have you prayed about it?”

“I’m sure God will come through and provide. He always does.”

“God keeps His promises. He is faithful.”

Any of these ring a bell? Don’t get me wrong, I know I needed to hear one or all of these things at certain points of my life to give me hope in a bleak situation, to remind me of a bigger perspective. But, here’s the problem – or question, rather. Why didn’t I already know these things myself? I mean, sure, I knew the Lord was faithful and good. I knew He had a plan for me. But I didn’t really know, like “deep in my heart know”. What I knew, was because of what others told me. I wasn’t experiencing it for myself. So when any one of those phrases were tossed my way, it didn’t stick for very long.

The other question is, why did every problem in my life seem so big? It wasn’t just a job change or just a big move or just a relationship. It’s as if every step in life seemed daunting and I was always afraid I’d make the wrong choice or step out of God’s will if I chose incorrectly. It was like an episode of The Price is Right — After I’d choose Door Number 2, I’d have this fear I would be met with, “Oh, sorry hun, looks like the prize was behind Door Number 3. Better luck next time!”

But that’s not how this works.

God isn’t some magical genie that lives in the clouds, looking for loopholes in the things we ask for. He’s not one of confusion. He’s also not one who looks at us like a GPS map and sighs in disappointment when we make a “wrong turn”.

God understands we’re complex beings. He created us that way. And ultimately, what we have on earth (whether we marry, what type of car we have, how successful we appear, whether we have kids, etc.), it’s so small in comparison to our ultimate calling – and that’s to love Him.

I know this seems super simple and it’s almost an eye-rolling cliche’. But, listen. Really listen. Because something changed the minute I stopped asking for my selfish desires and started asking for more of Him. Something changed when I realized just how big He is and how small everything else is in comparison. That moment was the moment my relationship with God changed.

I used to feel stagnant, stuck, just waiting until God would deliver me into my next stage of life – whatever that may be.

I didn’t realize I was already there. I didn’t realize I was already living in the season He had intended for me to be in. I just wasn’t resting in it.

This new season He’s placed me in is SO sweet, you guys. I can’t even explain it in words. I crave to be near my Heavenly Father, but not just to be near. I want to know Him. I ask every day for more of Him and less of me. I come home from work excited to dig into my Bible and study. I have this loving curiosity to know more about God’s character firsthand – not from someone else. I want my Father to teach me, show me Himself in the little things, the big things. I write down every little thing I learn because I feel this need to hold onto these lessons, to savor them and not let them slip away. It’s been incredible to watch as He works in my life – how He comes to life in my journal – even in just a short time.

Even the way I pray has changed drastically. I no longer ask to be in a different stage of life. In fact, I’m not sure I want to be removed from this sweet spot with God. I would be completely okay if I just stayed here forever, resting in His presence and goodness.

What I do ask for is a deep and full relationship. I ask for Him to reveal Himself in big ways, amazing ways that show me so clearly who He is. I ask for Him to show me Himself in the little things, like sunbeams in the mornings when I commute to work or a new outlook on His creation when planting flowers in my yard. When I pray for others, I pray for fruits of the Spirit. I pray for their hearts and their relationship with God. I pray for insight and guidance.

But, mostly, I just pray. I just talk to Him like he’s my best friend, like He’s known me for a lifetime – because He has. He’s loved me long before I came into being. I’m just finally receiving that love and gushing it back in return.

This is what I’ve come to realize. To truly know your Heavenly Father, it takes some work. It takes some leaps that rely on faith alone. It takes patience to discover new aspects of His character you had yet to understand. It does take effort to dig deep into His Word and keep a line of communication open. But it’s so worth it. He doesn’t make it difficult. He doesn’t hide from you. In fact, He shows up in bigger ways than I ever thought imaginable. You just have to ask. And if you have a heart that’s genuinely seeking Him out – He’s never going to say no.

That’s why, in the midst of every season, I know I’m good. I know because I’m His – and resting in Him is all I need.

*If you need help starting the conversation with God, I’ve included an excerpt from my prayer journal below (the exact one that I prayed – with no filter at all – when I realized something needed to change in my own life) that just might help you get started.*

“Okay God, 

You know where I’m at. You know how I feel. I’m so done with easy and lukewarm. I’m done settling for a half-cracked relationship, God. I want You in every way You reveal Yourself. I don’t want to hear about You from others or learn what you can do through others’ experiences alone. I want it straight from the source. I want to know You because I spend time with You, because I read Your Word and talk with You every day.

I want to feel Your presence when I’m alone – and when I’m surrounded by friends and family. I want to know Your voice and be able to pinpoint it in the crowd, in the loudest room imaginable. I want to know I follow that still small voice that belongs to You and You alone. 

I want to know You so well I go to sleep smiling and wake up with a peace that can only come from You. I want to find myself musing or laughing out loud thinking about our own inside jokes. I want to feel Your delight when I do something silly or something that makes You smile – because that’s how You created me to be. I want to feel Your nudges of compassion when I’ve done something wrong and have the humility to allow You to correct the course for me. 

I want a life that goes beyond “easy” and into a world that seems crazy or unimaginable – one where I drop everything and follow You, no matter the cost. I want to be challenged, Lord. I want You to pry my life from my fingertips when I’m tempted to hold onto control or fear or worry. 

Remind me constantly how big You are. Remind me constantly how You never change. Remind me every second how much You love me – and that there’s nothing I can do to make You love me more and nothing I can do to make You love me less.

Lord, I want real. I want authentic. I want a life that clearly points to You, no matter what the cost. If it means dropping everything and moving somewhere crazy, I’ll do it. If it means staying put when I’d rather go on an amazing adventure, I’ll do that, too. Whatever You want, Lord. My life is Yours. Today, tomorrow and forever.

I am your sheep. I’m your beloved. You’ve called me by name and created me on purpose, for a purpose. Today, I choose to go beyond the ordinary – beyond the free and easy, lukewarm life I can be tempted to fall into. 

I choose to walk in the Light that guides me. I choose You and the purpose You’ve created me for – to love You and to be loved in return.

Amen.”