“So, what do you do now?”
“Oh, I’m just a stay-at-home-mom,” I respond casually, with a wave of my hand.
I don’t even know how many times I’ve had this exact interaction with friends, past colleagues, even family members. I’ve answered sheepishly, as if apologizing for not having a more interesting answer. And honestly, sometimes I wish I had a more interesting answer. After all, the life of a stay-at-home mom isn’t always glamorous. Today, alone, I’ve changed four poopy diapers and it’s not even 3pm.
To be fair, I have two children that are both well-fed and hydrated. It’s bound to happen. Though my youngest is now 9 months old, I still feel as if we’re in the middle of the transition from 1 to 2. When we were a family of 3, it was much easier to be on time, to go places for fun, to travel and to plan ahead. Naturally, adding another family member makes for a few curveballs from time to time. And just when I think we’ve finally hit the cruise control button, we hit another milestone and we’re back to readjusting again.
Before I became a mom, I was the jack-of-all-trades type. I received a degree in journalism and advertising, covering a multitude of skillsets. I had jobs in photography, marketing, graphic design, higher education and more. I often took pride in my work and over-identified with whatever work I was doing at the time. (Of course, I don’t know that I realized it then, but hindsight is 20-20 and all that.) I really enjoyed having the fun, creative jobs. I loved that when people asked what I did, I could say I made logos for such and such or I was working in a photography studio. They were never boring answers and usually meant that I had something worthwhile to share. Maybe I could help someone’s small business with SEO. Maybe I could help write blogs or edit photos; perhaps I could help with social media. Being helpful, or perceived as helpful/successful, meant I had worth. To be without a formal job title – did that mean I had none?
For awhile, I thought so. In early motherhood, I hid a lot. Instead of embracing the role that God had blessed me with in full, I made myself small and tucked myself into the corners of spaces that definitely had room for me. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy being a mother – I absolutely did – and still do! I can’t tell you how many times I breathed in my daughter’s newborn scent, repeated the same goofy sound over and over again just to hear her laugh, or watched her doze off in my arms. My firstborn went everywhere with me and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
But, to tell you the truth, I was afraid. With any other job, if you don’t fit, or if you don’t succeed, it’s okay. You can get a new job. You can pursue a different career. It’s not the end of the world to try something new if you need to. But motherhood? That’s not a light title to bear. That’s not to say I wanted out of this calling, but rather, I felt the pressure to do it well, to steward this gift well.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Deuteronomy 6:5–9
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
All day long, I’d ask questions. Did we play enough? Did we connect enough? Am I teaching her enough? Did I get on to her too much? Was I too angry? Should I let her have more freedom? Is she ready for more freedom? Is she eating enough protein? How can I get her to eat more vegetables?
Eventually, I’d land on the REAL questions, though:
“Is being a stay-at-home-mom the best thing for her?”
“Did I earn enough ‘good mom points’ to outweigh the areas in which I feel I’ve failed?”
“Is this the best way to show her she can do anything she sets her mind to, even if that means I’m at home, not out all over the world?”
“Am I doing enough to justify being a one-income household?”
“Should I be doing something else?”
“Am I even good at this?”
Some days I would look around and wonder what I was actually doing. I’d stare at the crumbs on the floor, the toys abandoned on the seat of the bay window, the juice cup from the night before and the pile of dirty laundry begging to be washed. I’d sit and think, “Does any of this even matter?” Sometimes, it could feel like I was just repeating the same day over and over again with minor differences.
As I began to pray and ask God what to do, I was given a few new questions to mull over. “What if I actually did this well, beyond just a checklist that undos itself the next day? What if I tried to bring glory to God in all aspects of motherhood? What would happen? What would that look like?”
It didn’t get pretty as fast as I’d hoped – and there are days where it’s still not pretty, I’ll be honest. At first, there was a lot of resentment and overwhelm. Then the next battle was consistency. I’d have one good day – and the next would be rough. And then there was pride – oof, did this one hit me hard.
But, one day, when I looked around after putting the girls to bed for their afternoon nap, things seemed different. The crumbs on the floor reminded me that I had fed my child well that day. The toys abandoned on the bay window seat brought a smile to my lips as I thought of my oldest playing and her growing imagination. My heart surged into servanthood as I looked at the old juice cup and realized I would need to make a new one to quench my daughter’s thirst when she woke up from her slumber. In the laundry basket, I took note of her favorite Elsa dress that needed washed, and knew she would be so happy to have it returned to her clean. As I looked around, I saw opportunities to love and I realized the Lord was ever so slowly changing my heart. He was equipping me with new skillsets and providing the gentlest of graces as I grew – and still continue to grow.
One of those lessons was in humility. After all, there is something humbling about parenthood, isn’t there?
Philippians 2:6-8 tells us about Jesus’ humility. It says, “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
When I think about Jesus’ sacrificial love, it makes it a little easier to serve my family. If he can die a literal death on the cross for all of humankind to show His love, I think I can die to self metaphorically and whip up a home-cooked meal to show mine – not just to my family, but to the Lord as well. If His servanthood is the ultimate gift to mankind (and we know it is!) – then it seems like servanthood is worth quite a lot. And if so, doesn’t that make the role of motherhood quite valuable, too? Maybe we don’t need a fancy title or a cool job after all to establish worth. Maybe the most valuable, worth-giving title of all, is that of motherhood.
So, the next time you wonder to yourself if what you’re doing is worth it, or if it matters, please be assured that it does. We’re raising little humans – and while it can be hard work, it’s hands-down the most rewarding! Don’t get me wrong, there are still days I wake up and wish I had a little more sleep. There are mornings that seem harder than others, or bedtimes that take longer than I’d prefer. But God is doing a work in me through this calling of motherhood. He is seeing me where I am and showing me how to love like He does. And if He can do it for me, fellow mama, He can do it for you too.
Photo Credit: Silvernale Photography
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